also why i had to describe myself like that here- i hate (yes i do, sometimes, bitter i know) when i constantly have to repeat myself
haveing to describe how i like beeing touched when i didn´t even meet you in person yet is like THE most awfull thing aside likeing you or thinking i have to act a certain way when beeing asked something and your reply is like the most unseeing happy doesn´t care mind stage
i hate to haveing to describe myself when all you get back is yeah- that´s nice and we´ll see that what happens happens when i try to be inclusive of as many details as i possibly can because i like you like oh my god - are you retarded?- yerk off or something before asking/ listening to me
uughh
i don´t mean it mean when i get mean but it takes away my security when i open my heart and another stab knocks down a hint into it - why would i have to secure myself from that?!
no,! i wanted to avoid all that! and the heartfelt stuff can be expressed here to regardless of the communion you and me meet up as
the aches and breaks that come come anyway like in the fresh example up there
i just wanted my subs to be able to be open, relaxed and secure around me without them haveing to “act propperly” from their minds before we even had 3 conversations.
also this gives me the opportunities to simply express and be read (if needed, or wanted): it´s like a vetting system without a response (because those that don´t understand aren´t getting it anyways)
and i have to say that in the story of my previous youth part
i met A LOT OF PEOPLE that listened to what i said until they heard something and then their minds took the heartfelt honesty that i simply expressed in trust in life and whatnot AND THEY RAN OFF!!! like brooding on something i just said, contemplateing the turth behind it or not.
expressing some mad copy or worse knockoff and confronting me feeling unlovable for then
they took what was mine - trying to guide love into their hearts and lifes and spat out hate (i don´t blame them; now any more, because i am aware how shit happens; but i hurt bitterly and disliked them massacreing my love with untruthfull responses and confronting me feeling guilty for them not expressing themselves too; but in my mind it was all me- because i thought i felt that way when i was simply amplifying and that alone can be hurtfull when you´re unaware)
i had to learn this over and over- different colours, different types, different awareness; heck different gender even! all the same when it came to me actually listening to them and giving them something (a piece of my heart) and them not beeing able to respond truthfull and even if it is just a “i don´t know what to say after this” or “okay, or thatnks or nothing and just beeing” Sighing you know.. it just wrecked my thoughts over and over again from / for trying to trust another fallen one over and over again i tried telling/ talking with them aware (even when i almost shat myself because of some gross drug mix) hopeing that they would check that misery is passable and i´m with them just as long as thei´re with me, doesn´t matter after all i had to let them go and others after that too! i never wanted to feel unrecognised but that was what i got- cool fronts and so i turned into that, takeing in their aura amplifying it and useing it in my daily life- i know how to be cruel, i know what it means to be a slave, i know when enough is enough and i know when to trust my safewords will be respected and used only correctly not for bs not for haaha´s omg thats so funny´s (whilst running off in their midns asking “ how could she do that, what made her, how is she comfortable with that) i really need devotion - that is all i ever got from life- and give as best as can to life, always.
that´s why i want youto know me, so you can devote yourself to me- not my mind, but my loveleading soul (if you will) :D
amazeig to think of it as that and see that it´s all just a whole lot of bullshit
but also their tekniques within the communion i entrusted to have with them jsut got betrayed and painted wrongfully black like (omg wtf we are all so shitty, life is shitty,bullshitblah wtf, [cunts& liars; cursers and wannabewizards])
ugh that was exhausting!!!!!!
and so i wanna make sure that there is real resonance if you plan to be in longer term relations with me
i wanna find the middle way for me in all the extremes of life and i think this is the most efficient way at that (for me & my radius)
also to come back a little deeper into the objective for you /subjective from my life written above i really need to do have a word with the past:
you have been stupid
you have been cruel
and i have been seduceing myself into trusting their darkness and following my own light
thus the decision makeing always led me to meet people and situations where i had to hard fact read “you´re in this alone/gotta do this alone/ you can do it alone” but also “don´t mind nonsense, you can havethe most, best & correct influences on the way such as friends and family and animals and other objects, you´ll never be alone in this life, love yourself, trust your form to make the right choices for you”
and faceing that was horrible (is always again like becomeing upset because wounds are beeing triggered - but i´ll get to that sooner or later)
i made so many worse choices in people and entrusting minds my own way - yuckY!
okay enough open heart talk now.
word.
Isa “the allknowing” Blue
This is the pace where you get to know my Soul.
I don´t think you can get to know me deeper in ANY Social Media post so this is why i created this locals.com Community-Site =)
I´d like you to know your Goddess as plenty as correct and because i have many faccades this must be the way of written selfexpression :)🦀
Update March 2024: Hell yeah! I welcome you to this pacifier😂😃😉
💋
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